Moon Island (Chapter Nine)

I was standing near the prow, doing my best not to lift my arms and shout that I was the Queen of the World. Or, perhaps more accurately, Queen of the Underworld.

I stood there, holding onto a post, and stared out at the rolling sea. Heavy fog hung low over the water. The sea itself was slate gray and seemingly impenetrable. At the most, I could see down only a few feet. Nothing seemed to exist near the surface. No dolphins nor seals nor killer whales. The Puget Sound seemed devoid of life. Just a vast expanse of churning, dead, gray water, a barrier between islands. A great moat, perhaps.

Which didn't make it any less beautiful. On the contrary, I lived a dozen or so miles from the ocean, so it wasn't often that I found myself bouncing along a fast-moving boat, through a heavy fog, hundreds of feet above the ocean floor.

Tara was sitting with the captain, and Allison was below deck, battling seasickness and failing miserably. Last I heard, she was introducing herself to the tiny metal toilet attached to the main sleeping quarters below deck. The boat itself sported a bedroom, a living room, and a galley. The boat was cozy and was captained by a smallish man with a biggish beard. He could have been Ahab in another life. Or perhaps even the white whale.

With that thought, I thought of Ishmael.

No, not the Ishmael from Moby Dick.

Ishmael who had been, at one time, my guardian angel. And who was now…I didn't know.

An interested suitor? Maybe, maybe not.

I didn't know much, but I did know one thing: my life was weird.

Sometimes too weird.

Sometimes I wanted to bury my head in the sand, or leap, say, from this boat, and drift to the ocean floor and exist in silence and peace, with the crabs and bottom feeders. Except I couldn't run away from what I was, or what my children had become. What they had become because of me.

Suddenly, panic and dread and a crushing fear filled me all over again.

Breathe, Samantha.

I did so now – slowly, deeply, filling my useless lungs to capacity with air that I didn't need – at least, not in the physical sense. Emotionally, maybe.

As I focused on my breathing, as the cold air flowed in and out of my lungs, in and out of my nostrils, I had the distinct sensation of being out of my body. I hadn't planned to be – who planned that sort of thing, anyway? – and hadn't even expected it. One moment, I was concentrating on keeping calm, focused almost entirely on the process of breathing, and the next…

The next, I was…elsewhere.

Not literally, for I could hear the roar of the boat's motors, the wind thundering over my ears, the water slapping against the hull. Yes, I could feel and hear and smell, but I was not there. Not in the boat.

Then again, maybe I really was nuts and was sitting in some insane asylum.

Maybe the doctors had just given me my latest dose of zone-out meds.

Do not be so hard on yourself, Samantha Moon.

Was that my voice? Had I made it up?

I wasn't certain. I did know that the sound of the ocean and the boat and the wind seemed to be fading even further away.

Although I felt detached from my body – hell, from reality – the voice was, to say the least, a welcome sensation.

Very good, Samantha Moon.

The thought was not my own, I was certain of it.

No, not so much a thought as a voice whispered just inside my ear. I was very familiar with such telepathic communication…but this communication seemed different somehow. It almost seemed to come from inside of me – and around me and through me, all at the same time.

A good way of looking at our communication, Sam.

I was also certain I'd heard the voice before, as I'd sat upon a desert ledge, back when I'd let my mind drift and found myself in a deeply meditative state – and in the presence of something very loving.

And seemingly all-knowing.

All-loving, Samantha Moon.

I continued holding onto the post as my knees absorbed the rising and falling of the boat. But I wasn't on the ship. No, not really. I was elsewhere. Above my body.

In a place nearby but not nearby. I struggled for words, searching for an explanation to where I was. To what was happening to me.

Let's call it a frequency, Samantha.

You are in a higher frequency.

I don't understand.

You will, someday.

The boat dipped deeply, no doubt plunging into a trough, but I effortlessly kept my footing, my balance. Even in a deeply meditative state, my uncanny reflexes were working overtime.

In my mind's eye, I saw myself standing before something big. No, not just something big. The biggest. The biggest of all. The Universe, perhaps. There was movement, too. Planets were rotating. No, not just planets. Whole solar systems, galaxies and universes were rotating. I saw stars being born and destroyed. I saw whole universes collapsing and birthing.

The Universe was alive to my eyes, as surely as if I was watching a hive of bees at work.

I was certain that I was watching the Universe from the perspective of something much greater than me.

You are seeing it through yourself, Samantha.

No, I thought, and felt myself shaking my head back on the boat. I am seeing it through God. The eyes of God.

Correct, Samantha.

How I saw this, I didn't know, where I was, I didn't know. I seemed outside of space and time, all while standing here on the boat's prow, cutting through the fog and mist and now a light drizzle upon the Puget Sound.

But you said I was seeing it through my eyes, I asked the voice in my head. The voice that I was beginning to think was God.

Correct again.

I don't understand.

Yes, you do, Samantha.

Perhaps I did know. I'd heard the voice all my life but had never really understood it. Until now.

It's because I'm a part of you, too, I thought.

Very good, Samantha.

I was next given a glimpse of something that had never occurred to me before, not until now. I'm not just a part of you, I thought, but you are me.

Very good, Sam.

I am you, experiencing life.

Very true, Samantha. As are all people, all things.

But, why? I asked. You are God, why experience life through me? I am nothing. I am a blip in the universe. All of us are blips.

And what if you had access to the sum total of all blips, Samantha? Billions and billions of blips?

I would have access to, well everything.

Indeed, Samantha Moon.

Why are you talking to me now? I asked.

Because you are much more than a blip, Samantha.

And now I saw, through another glimpse – or perhaps this was an epiphany – that I was no greater or smaller than others in our world. But because of who I am, or what I was, I had an open channel to God. To the universe. To the spirit world in general.

You're talking to me now because I can hear you, I said.

No, Sam. I'm talking to you now because you are listening.

Footsteps slapped behind me, and I snapped back into my body and gasped when I saw the captain swing down below deck. He saw me and nodded and, although I tried to smile back, all I could see were worlds being destroyed.

And worlds being born.