Fallen Too Far (Chapter Twenty)

A driveway full of cars was not something I expected when I pulled into Rush's after work. The golf course had gotten so busy that I'd only stopped to give them drinks one more time on the sixteenth hole. He hadn't texted me again all day. My stomach knotted up nervously. Was this it? Had his brief moment of sweetness after taking my virginity faded away so soon?

I had to park out on the edge of the road. Closing my truck door, I started the trek to the door.

"You don't want to go in there," Grant's familiar voice said in the darkness. I looked around and saw a small orange glow fall to the ground then get put out under a boot before Grant stepped out of his hiding spot.

"Do you come to these parties to hang around outside?" I asked, since this was the second time I'd arrived at a party here to find Grant outside alone.

"I can't seem to quit smoking. Rush thinks I've stopped. So I hide out here when I need a smoke," he explained.

"Smoking will kill you," I told him, remembering all the smokers that I'd watched slowly dying when I took my mother to chemo treatments.

"That's what they tell me," he replied with a sigh.

I looked back at the house and heard the music pouring out of it. "I didn't know there was a party tonight," I said, hoping the disappointment in my voice didn't come through.

Grant laughed and leaned a hip against a Volvo. "Isn't there always a party here?"

No, there wasn't. After last night I thought Rush would have called me or texted me. "I guess I just wasn't expecting it."

"I don't think Rush was either. This is a Nan party. She sprung it on him. The girl has always managed to get away with murder where Rush is concerned. I got my ass kicked by Rush more than once growing up because I didn't fall for her wounded puppy shit."

I walked over to lean against the Volvo beside him and crossed my arms. "So you grew up with Nan, too?" I needed something. Any kind of explanation.

Grant cut his eyes at me. "Yeah. Of course.  Georgianna is her momma. Only parent she's got. Well…" Grant pushed off from the Volvo and shook his head. "Nope. You almost had me. I can't tell you shit, Blaire. Honestly when someone does I don't want to be anywhere around."

Grant stalked back toward the house.

I watched him until he was back inside before I made my way to the house. I prayed no one was in my room. If they were I was going to the pantry. I was not in the mood for Nan. Or the secrets surrounding Nan that everyone but me was allowed to know. I sure wasn't in the mood for Rush.

I opened the door and was glad that no one was standing around to see me arrive. I headed straight for the stairs. Laughter and voices filled the house. I didn't fit in with them. There was no use in going down there and acting like I did.

I glanced at the door leading to Rush's stairs and let last night's memories wash over me. I was beginning to think that was a one-time thing. I opened my door and stepped in before I turned on the light.

I covered my mouth from the scream that bubbled up when I realized I wasn't alone. It was Rush. He was sitting on my bed looking out the window. He stood up when I closed the door and walked over to me.

"Hey," he said in a soft voice.

"Hey," I replied, unsure as to why he was in my room when he had a house full of people. "What are you doing in here?"

He gave me a crooked smile. "Waiting on you. I kinda thought that was obvious."

Smiling, I ducked my head. His eyes could be too much sometimes. "I can see that. But you have guests."

"Not my guests. Trust me, I wanted an empty house," he said cupping the side of my face with his hand. "Come upstairs with me. Please."

He didn't have to beg. I'd go gladly. I dropped my purse on the bed and tucked my hand in his. "Lead the way."

Rush squeezed my hand and we headed up the stairs together.

Once we reached the top step Rush pulled me into his arms and kissed me hard. Maybe I was easy but I didn't care. I'd missed him today. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him back with all the emotion churning inside me that I didn't quite understand.

When he broke the kiss we were both breathless. "Talk. We are going to talk first. I want to see you smile and laugh. I want to know what your favorite show was when you were a kid and who made you cry at school and what boy band you hung posters of on your wall. Then I want you naked in my bed again."

Smiling at his strange, but adorable, way of telling me he wanted to do more than just have sex with me, I walked over to the large tan sectional sofa that overlooked the ocean instead of a television.

"Thirsty?" Rush asked, walking over to a stainless steel refrigerator I hadn't taken the time to notice last night. A small bar sat off to the side of it.

"Just some ice water would be nice," I replied.

Rush went to work fixing drinks and I turned to look out at the ocean. "Rugrats was my favorite show, Ken Norris made me cry at least once a week but then he'd make Valerie cry and I'd get mad and hurt him. My favorite and most successful attack was a swift kick to the balls. And shamefully, The Backstreet Boys covered my walls."

Rush stopped beside me and handed me a tall glass of ice water. I could see the indecision on his face. He sat down beside me. "Who is Valerie?"

I'd mentioned my sister without thinking.  I was comfortable with Rush. I wanted him to know me. Maybe if I opened up about my secrets he would share his. Even if he couldn't share Nan's.

"Valerie was my twin sister. She died in a car accident five years ago. My dad was driving. Two weeks later, he walked out of our lives and never returned. Mom said we had to forgive him because he couldn't live with the fact he'd been driving the car that killed Valerie. I always wanted to believe her. Even when he didn't come to Mom's funeral I wanted to believe he just couldn't face it. So I forgave him. I didn't hate him or let bitterness and hate control me. But I came here and well… you know. I guess Mom was wrong."

Rush leaned forward and set his glass on the rustic wooden table beside the couch and slipped his arm behind me. "I had no idea you had a twin sister," he said almost reverently.

"We were identical. You couldn't tell us apart. We had a lot of fun with that at school and with boys. Only Cain could tell us apart."

Rush began to play with a lock of my hair as we sat there looking out over the water. "How long did your parents know each other before they married?" he asked. Not a question I was expecting.

"It was a love at first sight kind of thing. Mom was visiting a friend of hers in Atlanta. Dad had recently broken up with her friend and he came around one night when Mom was at her friend's apartment alone. Her friend was a little wild from what my mom said. Dad took one look at mom and he was sunk. I can't blame him. My mom was gorgeous. She had my color hair but she had the biggest green eyes. They were like jewels almost and she was just fun. You were happy just to be near her. Nothing ever got her down. She smiled through everything. The only time I saw her cry was when she was told about Valerie. She crumpled to the floor and wailed that day. It would have frightened me if I hadn't felt the same way. It was like part of my soul had been ripped out." I stopped. My eyes were burning. I'd let myself get carried away with opening up. I hadn't opened up to anyone in years.

Rush rested his forehead on the top of my head. "I'm so sorry, Blaire. I had no idea."

For the first time since Valerie had left me I felt like someone was there I could talk to. I didn't have to hold back. I turned in his arms and found his lips with mine. I needed this closeness. I'd remembered the pain and now I needed him to make it go away. He was so good at making everything but him fade away.

"I love them. I will always love them but I'm okay now. They're together. They have each other," I told him when I felt his reluctance to kiss me back.

"Who do you have?" he asked in a tortured voice.

"I have me. I found out three years ago when my mom got sick that as long as I held onto me and didn't forget who I was that I'd always be okay," I replied.

Rush closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he opened his eyes the desperate look in them startled me. "I need you. Right now. Let me love you right here, please."

I pulled my shirt off and then reached for his. He lifted his arms for me as I pulled his shirt over his head. He made quick work of my bra and it was gone with nothing between us. His hands cupped my breasts as he brushed his thumb over each hard crest. "You are so fucking unbelievably gorgeous. Inside and out," he whispered. "As much as I don't deserve it I want to be buried inside you. I can't wait. I just need to get as close to you as I can get."

I scooted back from him and stood up. After slipping off my shoes, I unsnapped my shorts and pushed them down along with my panties then stepped out of them. He sat there watching me like I was the most fascinating thing he had ever seen. It felt powerful. The embarrassment I expected to feel from standing naked in front of him wasn't there.

"Get naked," I said, looking down at his erection pressing against his jeans.

I thought that would get an amused chuckle from him but it didn't. He stood up,  quickly stepping out of his jeans and then sank back down on the couch pulling me with him.

"Straddle me," he instructed. I did as I was told. "Now," he gulped, "ease down on me." I looked down and saw him holding the base of his cock. I grabbed onto his shoulders and slowly lowered myself as he handled everything else.

"Easy, baby. Slow and easy. You're gonna be sore."

I nodded and bit my bottom lip as the tip started to enter me. He moved the head back and forth over my opening, teasing me. I squeezed his shoulders and gasped. It felt good. So very good.

"That's it. You're getting so fucking wet. God, I want to taste it," he growled.

Seeing the animalistic look in his eyes flipped a switch in me. I wanted to make him remember me. Remember this. I knew our time was limited and I knew I'd never forget him. Still, I wanted to know that when he walked away he'd never forget me. I didn't want to be that one girl whose virginity he took.

Leaning forward, I waited until he rubbed the head against my entrance. Then I sank down hard with a loud cry as it filled me.

"SHIT," Rush shouted. I didn't wait for him to worry about me. I was going to ride him. I understood the terminology now. I was in control of this. He started to open his mouth and say something but I stopped him by plunging my tongue into his mouth while I lifted my hips and sank back down onto him again harder. The groan and buckling sensation of his body under me assured me I was doing something right.

I broke apart so I could cry out as I began riding him faster and harder. The tenderness inside me was screaming out with the stretching of his entrance but it was a good pain.

"Blaire, oh holy fuck Blaire," he ground out as his hands grabbed my hips and he let himself break free and enjoy the ride. His hands began taking over. He lifted me and slammed me back down onto him with fast and hard thrusts. Every curse and loud moan that escaped him made me wilder. I needed this with him.

The orgasm was building and I knew after a few more thrusts I was going to break apart on top of him. I wanted him to come too. I began rocking on him and letting out the loud cries I had been trying to control. "I'm gonna come," I moaned as the sensation built.

"Fuck baby, so good," he growled and then we both fell over the top together. His body bucked underneath me and then stilled. My name tore from his lips at the same time my body reached its climax.

When the tremors slowed and I could breathe again I wrapped my arms around his neck and collapsed on top of him.

Both his arms held me tightly to him as his breathing slowed. I liked the sweet sex we'd had last night but there was something to be said for fucking. I smiled to myself at the thought and turned my head to kiss his neck.

"Never. Never in all my life," he panted running his hand down my back and cupping my bottom with a gentle squeeze. "That was. God, Blaire, I don't have words."

Smiling into his neck I knew I'd made my mark on this perfect, wounded, mysterious confusing man.

"I believe the word you are looking for is epic," I said laughing as I leaned back so that I could look at him.

The tenderness in his eyes melted my heart a little more. "The most epic sex ever known to man," he replied and reached out to tuck hair behind my ears. "I'm ruined. You know that right? You've ruined me."

I wiggled my hips and I could feel him still inside me. "Hmmm no, I think you might still work."

"God, woman you're gonna have me hard and ready again. I need to clean you up."

I traced his bottom lip with the pad of my finger. "I won't bleed again. I did that already."

Rush pulled my finger into his mouth and sucked on it gently before letting it go. "I wasn't wearing a condom. I'm clean, though. I always wear a condom and I get checked regularly."

I wasn't sure how to process this. I hadn't been thinking about a condom.

"I'm sorry. You got naked and my brain kind of checked out. I promise you I'm clean."

I shook my head. "No, it's okay. I believe you. I didn't think about it either."

Rush pulled me back against him. "Good because that was fucking unbelievable. I've never felt it without a condom. Knowing I was in you and feeling you bare makes me real damn happy. You felt amazing. All hot and wet and so very tight."

I rocked against him. His dirty words in my ear made my ache wake back up. "Mmm," I replied as I felt him grow hard again inside me.

"Are you on any birth control?"

I never had a reason to be. I shook my head.

He groaned and moved my hips off him until he was out of me. "We can't do that again until you are. But you've got me all hard again." He reached between my legs and ran a finger against my swollen clit. "So sexy," he murmured.  I let my head fall back and enjoyed his soft touch.

"Blaire, come take a shower with me," he asked in a strained voice.

"Okay," I said, looking back at him. He helped me up and then led me to his bigger than life bathroom.

"I want you in the shower. What we did out there was the best fucking I've ever had in my life. But in here it's gonna be slower. I'm taking care of you."